Forget zombies. This is how it’s all going to go down.

Yesterday, Patrick and I flew from Quito to Ohio, because it just doesn’t get cold and snowy where we live and we were feeling cheated.  The last leg of our trip was from LaGuardia to Cleveland. It was a regional jet, which I happen to like because they are actually comfortable, however they are really small and they don’t let you take your rolling carry-on on board because they don’t all fit. They tagged them all and we were supposed to leave them at the end of the jetway. I get up there and get mine all situated. Then, because WHY IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY COULD I NOT HAVE BEEN BORN WITH TWO GOOD EYES AND SOME DEPTH PERCEPTION, I turn around and proceed to trip over my carry-on. Which is on WHEELS. Like all 12 of the OTHER ONES that were sitting there. The next thing I know, all of them start rolling RAPIDLY toward the OPEN jetway door. Which is like 20 feet off the ground. There are people working UNDERNEATH the jetway. It is getting ready to RAIN DOWN CARRY-ONS, and they aren’t going to know what hit them. My first thought was “All those people are about to be DEAD.  Or at least have a wicked headache.”  I know what I carry in MY carry-on, so I can only imagine what other people have in theirs.  Death by junk.  I start scrambling like a crazy woman trying to prevent the carry-on Apocalypse, and the guy behind me starts LAUGHING. Then he sets HIS carry-on down, because he thinks he’s FUNNY, and it immediately heads for the jetway door, along with all the rest of them. At this point I am decorating my jail cell in my head, because I am about to wipe out a bunch of LaGuardia airport employees ALL BECAUSE I HAVE NO DEPTH PERCEPTION.  I am about to make national news and be labeled a mass murderer, or at the very least the dumbest person alive, so as a last ditch effort I grab someone’s very expensive looking computer bag and finally manage to get it sideways and block the door, and the rest of them backed up behind it. Funny Guy is still laughing (instead of helping me–REALLY?), and he goes “Wow. That would have been a great story”.

Zombies got nothing on me.  I should be teaching classes on chaos.

You’re welcome.