We’re starting to find our rhythm, Dan and I. This new life of ours (and let’s face it–it’s a whole new life) is sort of coming together. We talk more…he comes home for lunch most days…I go to the office and pretend like I’m being useful…it’s working, for now. In the morning before he leaves for work we have our coffee and talk through our day and our lives. We pray over our kids, and our ministry, and our marriage.
I’ve had these bizarre conversations with God recently.
God: “I know it hurts…”
Me: “Yeah. But you never sent your son to college…”
God: “Umm. OK. No, I didn’t send Him to college. (:-/) You DO know WHERE I sent Him, right? And what they did to Him when I sent Him there?”
Me: “Yeah. I know. But you didn’t send Him to COLLEGE…”
It’s amazing how self absorbed I can be sometimes.
The night that we said goodbye to the kids, I didn’t cry while they were there. I knew if I started, we would all fall apart, and I just didn’t want them to think that I couldn’t handle this. They walked out the door, and I closed it…and fell apart. I turned around, and my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law were there, with their arms open, just waiting. Because that’s what we do it our family. We hug. You got a problem? I probably can’t fix it, but come here and let me hug you. We wrap our arms and our hearts around each other and we dare the world to try and break through.
I wasn’t done with the hugging before we had to leave. We left less than 48 hours later to come home, and I wasn’t done with the hugging. I know when I go back there will be more, and we’ll pick up where we left off, and it will be good. But I wasn’t done this time.
I’ve (sort of) gotten used to the idea of not having my teenagers around. Although I technically only have one teenager right now. Daniel will be 22 in April and Heather turned 20 a couple of weeks ago. Kristina is in her last year of “teen-hood”. And Patrick is still a couple of years off, thank heavens. I don’t go down to the school right now, because the thought of the AAI existing without my kids there is just a little much for me to think about. We’re going to the drama tonight, and for the first time in about six years, I won’t have a child on the stage. I’m just an audience member. I know it will be fabulous, because it always is, but for me it will be strange.
We’re learning a new dance in this house. A new rhythm. During our “children at home” years, it was a square dance–’round and ’round, passing the kids off to each other, sometimes coming around to each other, “swing your partner” and passing off to the next one. Now it’s more of a waltz, slow and easy. There are three of us in the waltz, but we dance together and it’s good. The tempo picks up for a moment, and then the gentle rhythm comes back and we relax into quiet again.
I don’t mind the waltz.